By David Moye

January 16, 2006

La Mesa--February 16 marks the 94^th anniversary of my hometown La Mesa and while I have spent 65 percent of my 40 years of Earth in its suburban confines, I never really appreciated its suburban charms until I moved back a year ago.

In fact, in the early ‘90s I tried to run away from it for the dirtier, grubbier charms of Ocean Beach.

Part of the problem was the time. Back during the first Bush era, I perceived La Mesa as being covered by a big Baptist bubble of hate that was due, in part, to the Dale Akiki trial, a notorious case that received national attention.

Despite an absence of physical evidence, Akiki was arrested and spent 30 months in jail and suffered a seven-month trial before being acquitted from a jury who only needed seven hours to decide he’d been unfairly accused.

This experience was terrible for him and it left a bad taste in my mouth for La Mesa that lingered until a few years ago when my wife and I considered moving back.

I don’t know if La Mesa has changed, but my attitude has. I look at the “Jewel Of The Hills” with new eyes and view it as a comfy cozy place to raise a child. (Good Thai restaurants and Japanese eateries will do that for a town.)

Another thing that has affected my new attitude is the success of Reggie Bush, who, like me is a Helix High alum. I watch him during games and I think, with pride, “Wow, he used to make phone calls from the same area code as me.”

Because La Mesa is more suburban than subversive, it doesn’t get much attention from the folks who live by bumper sticker slogans like “There is no life East of I-5 but my little town does have its charms and a unique history all its own.”

For instance, as many as five percent of La Mesa residents are from Russia and the corner of Lake Murray and El Paso is the epicenter of various restaurants with names like The Bistro, The Sushi, and The Pizza—simple, yet fitting, names, considering they’re all in The Mesa.

There are so many Russians in La Mesa that some elementary schools hire more Russian speaking teachers than Spanish speakers for ESL programs.

I’ve never eaten at any of the Russian places but just knowing they are there makes me feel like I’m living in some cool multicultural city, rather than just what I used to call “the 7-11 capital of the world.”

But there are other sites worth seeing in La Mesa. For instance, even the most jaded punk traveling with his parents will get a charge out of the “Bumfights” Parking Lot on Jackson Drive near Parkway Drive.

Yes children, this is the same location where budding and unethical wannabe filmmakers paid homeless guys to beat up each other in the parking lot of an abandoned Taco Bell.

The lot has since been fenced in but you can occasionally see the poor slob who had “Bumfights” tattooed on his forehead hanging out at Grossmont Center acting like people should recognize him.

Grossmont Center is also the home of a sleazy site. The Claim Jumper restaurant used to be a Bobby McGee’s where Renegade star Lorenzo Lamas hung out in order to pick up East County chicks.

There are other sites that may have more historical significance. For instance, back in the 1950s, Frank Zappa visited Allen’s Music Store, which was then located at 8215 La Mesa Blvd. and purchased a copy of Edgar Varase’s Ionization, an album that he later said changed his whole perception of what music could be. Because of Zappa’s musical importance, it could be argued that the moment changed music history for good.

But don’t try and argue the point with the folks who are currently at 8215 La Mesa Blvd. Allen’s Music Store moved up the street years ago and the former location is currently a tanning salon.

Another spot that probably won’t make any historical registry is the Shell gas station on Spring Street near Allison. A few years back, it was an independent gas station that employed one of the terrorists later involved in the 9/11 attacks.

Oddly, there’s no plaque mentioning it at the Shell station.

If you’re interested in less sleazy sites, you can check out Helix High School, the former stomping grounds of former hippie icon Dennis Hopper; basketball-playing Deadhead Bill Walton; current UCLA football coach Karl Dorrell and Heisman winner Reggie Bush.

There’s also Grossmont High School, the alma mater of deceased Beat Farmers drummer Country Dick Montana; NASA astronaut Dr Ellen Lauri Ochoa and Doug Benson, who is best known for his appearance on VH-1’s Best Week Ever and for cowriting the Marijuana-Logues, a play that recounts various vignettes about being stoned.

Benson is also one of the celebrities born at Grossmont Hospital, along with baseball player Aaron Boone and Megadeth guitarist Dave Mustaine.

Other notables who spent sometime in La Mesa include John Castellanos, who plays CIA Agent Rupert Kline on the WB series Supernatural, and Cheryl Saban, who wrote a couple episodes of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

I grew up near her and used to get a kick when she drove by in a Cadillac that had a giant spaceship on top.

Norman, who claimed to be the Archangel Uriel, died in the mid ‘90s when she was in her mid 90s. You’d think that the former home of an archangel would be worthy of a plaque but, so far, La Mesa city officials have yet to honor her.

Maybe it’s because they’ve seen her cheesy public access show, Interplanetary Realities.

For people into obscure moments, visit the Jack In The Box on the corner of 70^th and University Ave. Back in 1983, a guy had a heart attack in the drive through and the manager refused to call paramedics because he “didn’t want to get involved.”

One of his employees tried to save the old guy and ended up ratting out the manager for his disregard for human life. The manager was later canned by Box bigwigs, who had no idea what it’s like to work in La Mesa.

But the most interesting place in La Mesa may be the house at 4509 Acacia Avenue, which is the home to perhaps the only “driftwood zoo” in La Mesa.

For at least 20 years, the residents have been gluing eyes to pieces of driftwood and calling them animals like “Wolverine,” “Three Legged Goat,” and other adorable names.

Considering many of the residences on the street are well-preserved Craftsman homes, the homeowner’s refusal to stop gluing broken shells all over the cement-covered yard or chimney makes him a visionary.

Oh, and the fountain made from duct tape is a nice touch.

The house is being touted as a major fixer-upper and I am worried that, when sold, it will fall into repair. Sadly, I can’t see the driftwood animals surviving new ownership.

Regardless of what you think of the artistic merit of driftwood animals, the Acacia house qualifies as a prime example of “outsider art,” a term used to define art pieces made by people who don’t know what they’re doing.

I don’t know what will happen to the driftwood zoo once the house sells, but even if you can’t make it to the Bumfights parking lot, it’s worth a detour to La Mesa.

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