Aviation

Email this article

Where would the survivors be buried? Mexico and Canada

By Rob Potochnik

January 23, 2006

Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while wrestling with auto pilot for control of Flight 216 to Des Moines.

What do pilots do when they're bored in the cockpit?

Pilots usually play craps against the cockpit door; double 6’s are hard to get in the air due to the lack of oxygen. We also place bets on how long our CEO will be with the company—most stay under 10 years. Guess what our pool is up to.

When you look down at San Diego, what does the city remind you of? A maze? A plaid shirt?

It reminds us of a pretty lady in a Mexican dress with the colors of brown, clay and tan. If you look at the city in the morn light you see a bull being skewered by a matador. Looking closely, you see a piñata with candy falling to joyful kids, only to realize it is rocks in a bag painted blue, red and yellow. But that’s just me.

Do San Diego based pilots or flight attendants ever leave the house? What do you guys do in your free time? I've never met any of you out and about.

In our free time we seek out our passengers at their places of employment and ask them for a free lunch or free drinks. We ask if our meal comes with frequent diner points and whether we get a free lunch if our food is delayed.

Also, after our pay cuts, most of us have second jobs. Many of us drive cabs or work as property appraisers.

If you were to talk to a group of San Diego area elementary school children about being a pilot, what would you tell them?

DO NOT BE ONE! Be a CEO or a member of congress. A senator would be nice, and President of the USA definitely has its perks. You don’t need to be too smart. Just ask Georgie!

What's the largest plane that flies into and out of Lindbergh?

I believe Hawaiian flies a 767 and every once and a while you see the British fly a 747 but mostly 737, 757’s, A320, A319, MD-80’s, DC-9’s, SAAB 340’s, Embriars, etc.

When you fly over all those houses on the approach to Lindbergh, do you ever feel sorry for all the people who have to listen to your engines? Is it possible to be a little quieter?

Yes, we can go really fast up high and then shut our engines off. This reduces the noise to almost nothing. We then time our approach just right to land EXACTLY on the short runway and everyone is happy. And if we miss? It’s not a pretty sight. Unlike your job handing out sacks of food at the In-and-out Burger drive-thru, we only get one chance.

Why do I have to turn off my iPod on takeoff and landing?

Some airplanes may have their navigation equipment disrupted with the signals emitted from these and other devices.

Why are all airports named after white people? O'Hare, Lindbergh, Logan, JFK? Come on!

I don’t know. Call your congressman or congresswoman. But what really matters is if the STEELERS win the Super Bowl! When they do, add another name to the list above: Roethlisberger (RTH).

Quiz: If a plane crashed on the San Diego and Tijuana border, where would the survivors be buried?

Half in Mexico and the other half in Canada. That way, the airline wouldn't have to deal with any costly lawsuits here in the States.

Now, here’s a quiz for you: What do twelve men in steel suites have in common? They all are part of “THE 2006 SUPERBOWL WINNING PITTSBURGH STEELERS!” Where do you bury them?….Canton, Ohio.

Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline that outsources safety to India. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.