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Retail in detail: when shoppers turn feral

By Arianne Rueda

March 6, 2006

San Diego--Before I got a job in retail, I had always assumed it was a pretty low-key gig. Help customers find what they need, ring up their purchase, and move on to the next customer; not complicated. However, after working in the field for a few years, I found my preconceived notions of what the job entailed couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Nobody knows exactly what makes an average person transform into a rude, tantrum-throwing, mess-making animal. Maybe it’s a chemical reaction in the brain which is triggered while shopping or perhaps it’s an interaction between fast food intake and credit card swiping. Whatever the cause, the results can be laughable at times, frustrating at best, and sometimes frightening.

The other day a coworker and I were trading retail war stories. We went back and forth to see who had the most unbelievable customer horror story.

“There was this one time a guy started throwing shoes at me,” she said. “As if I had any control over whether or not we had his size.”

I wasn’t surprised. There had been several occasions where customers had thrown tantrums which would make any spoiled five year old proud. The tantrums usually start with phrases like:

·         “What do you MEAN it doesn’t come in purple?!”

Yes, it’s true. Not everything in the world comes in purple. I know, I was shocked to find this out myself. It was like my entire reality came crashing down around my head. Of course a good retail employee wouldn’t sass a customer like that, but internally we think about it.

·         “I need it in purple and I need it today! I have a competition!”

To add that maybe a little foresight could have prevented this time crunch would be rude, even though it would be true.

·       “I’d like to speak to your manager.”

Ah yes, the power card. Climbing the ranks until they get what they want. As if the manager has any more control over the situation. When the manager tells them the exact same thing, the customer inevitably leaves mad. How DARE the laws of physics not bend to their purple whim! If they are especially angry, they might knock over a display on their way out; much like an angry gorilla might attack a tree in frustration. The tree didn’t do anything, but somehow it makes it all better.

Tantrums like these are commonplace, everyday occurrences. No full moon or hormonal imbalance necessary. It’s just customer nature. But besides the tantrums, there is another strange behavior the shopping beast shows. This behavior never ceases to astonish retail workers and onlookers alike. This behavior is the shopper’s inability to control their offspring. This is often coupled with the expectation that the person at the register should play fulltime babysitter while they shop.

Children run amok through the aisles, grabbing items off the shelves, breaking displays, trying to run out the door (and into the street) and smearing half-eaten treats everywhere except in the trashcan. All the while their parents are shopping, totally unaware of the bouncing, rabid kangaroos and screaming baboons that are their children. Yes, parenting is alive and well…somewhere else.

After awhile there was a suspicion that part of the shopping transformation negates the part of the brain which can read. Certain phrases like “SALE, 50% OFF,” and “NEW” can still be understood, but beyond that…nothing. Signs which read “Do Not Touch,” “Please Ask for Assistance,” “No Unattended Children,” “Employees Only,” “Do not Tap the Glass,” or anything which even remotely resembles a plea for self control is ignored. Shoppers and their children think we put those signs up for our own entertainment, I’m sure of it.

Items are picked up, tried on, thoroughly examined, and then discarded on the floor. If the item had a packing material and a box, it is also on the floor, in another aisle. I wonder if the average shopper makes such a mess in their own home, while let’s say, making dinner. That would mean that the shopper would take a package of chicken from the refrigerator, open it, examine it, decide that they didn’t feel like chicken after all, and discard it on the living room floor. Civilization has come a long way.

The last behavior, which boggles even the most seasoned retail clerk, is the shopper’s ability to make the clerk invisible and mute!! Yes, once the transformation has begun (usually at the front door), the clerk and all other staff members are now completely unable to communicate to the shopper. Visual and auditory transmissions are somehow blocked to allow the shopper to focus on spending money.

This is the standard greeting at most retail locations. It is usually accompanied by a big smile and the expectation of eye contact. “Good afternoon, how are you doing today?”

The customer glides by, face forward, as if nobody addressed them. The second part of the greeting is given even if the first was ignored. It goes something like, “Let me know if I can help you with anything.”

By this time, the shopper is well past the counter, on their way to find the cutest shirt or best clearance item.

The silent treatment can continue through the entire shopping experience. When a customer is asked if they are doing okay, the clerk is often ignored. When the customer is asked if they found everything they were looking for, the clerk is ignored.

In most models of social interaction, this would be considered very rude. However, in the retail world, this is normal customer interaction. As a matter of fact, when a customer does respond to greetings, uses “please” and “thank you,” and even goes so far as to tell the clerk THEY should have a good day, we are shocked.

It should be noted that nice customers often get better service and inside information on sales and such, just for being nice. It isn’t always a conscious thing, but nobody likes to help someone who is rude.

These may sound like isolated occurrences, but believe it or not, it’s the daily routine of a retail clerk. Adults throwing tantrums (and occasionally shoes), children trying to get run over by cars, people ignoring your existence, and the expectation that the clerk can magically make a product appear in the right color, size, and style. And if it doesn’t appear, it’s somehow the clerk’s fault.

So, next time you’re shopping and you come across one of the invisible, babysitting, mess-cleaning, tantrum-negotiating, shoe-dodging, physics-bending retail clerks, remember that they’re people too, people who watch from behind the counter and wonder if this is regular human behavior or if there really is something that occurs only when people shop.

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Arianne Rueda is a freelance writer. This is her first contribution to Vyuz.