Rob the Pilot

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Aviation expert gets cantankerous

By Rob Potochnik

March 13, 2006

Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions from a homeless pilots boarding house in Seattle.

Why isn't there an awards ceremony for pilots? For example, for categories, you could have “Best description of terrain below,” “Best excuse for delay on take-off,” and “Longest commentary before reaching cruising altitude.”

Good idea. ALPA does have an annual ceremony to laud pilots, such as the ones flying the Airbus A330 who “dead-sticked,” (That means no engines running.) their aircraft into a small island in the Atlantic Ocean. There’re also the DC-10 pilots who landed their aircraft in Sioux City, Iowa, after the number 2 engine threw an N1 blade through all hydraulic lines.

Pilots who’ve saved countless lives are totally forgotten by the flying public, who only care about how cheap a seat is, NOT the quality of their pilot, aircraft or company safety records.

How can I find out how safe an airline is?

Well, to start with, you shouldn’t fly airlines that hire SCAB mechanics. True story: A buddy of mine has not worked as a mechanic for 25 years. He was recently called by a large commercial airline and offered a mechanic’s job. He turned the job down but this goes to show you what commercial airline management thinks about safety.

When you're in line to take off, do you ever try to cut in front of the other planes?

Nope. You see, we get paid just like you, by the hour. So, why would a pilot who’s pay has been severely reduced try to get you anywhere faster? Cheaper price means cheaper service—and that affects you, the passenger!

Have you ever hit a bird while flying? And if so, what did you say to the other pilot?

We hit birds every once and a while. Mostly, they just die and sometimes mess up the skin of the aircraft with guts. It’s only if you hit a really, really big one or a flock that they harm an aircraft. We usually say, “Did you see that?” but due to hitting them at 200 m.p.h., it’s hard to see much of anything.

Is there always someone in the San Diego tower? Even at 3:00 a.m.?

As long as the airport is open, the tower is open and someone is on duty. Tower guys are great, they help us a lot. Thanks guys!

Do pilots get to choose San Diego as a destination, or are they just assigned it?

Pilots pick locations based upon seniority. Some pick Fargo, some pick San Diego, and some pick their noses. What do you pick?

How loose are you with the "Fasten seat belts" sign? Do you ever have days where you say, "Screw it, I'm just gonna keep it off for the whole flight?"

Nope. Most people are not smart enough to keep their seat belt on all the time. I’ve seen people thrown to the ceiling in a split second. The bad part is when infants hit the ceiling due to their parents’ ignorance and negligence. When the “Fasten seat belts” sign is illuminated, all persons, no matter how small, should be in a seat belt at all times, unless you absolutely have to use the restrooms.

I assume you guys go through psychological testing. What kinds of questions do you see?

Do you enjoy taking things apart and putting them back together? Do you want to be a florist? Do you have feelings of worthlessness when you read Vyuz.com? Stuff like that.

Should SAN build another runway, or an entirely new airport?

They should stop building and the city should buy all the structures they can, tear them down, and make a park out of every plot. In a few years the population will decrease and the traffic will cease. The pollution will dwindle and again you will be able to hear the birds and the bees in the trees, even when they pee!

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Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline that hires mechanics who haven't worked on a plane in 25 years. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.