Rob the Pilot

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Aviation expert gets even more cantankerous

By Rob Potochnik

March 20, 2006

Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while working out on his Tony Little Gazelle.

If I finish my orange juice before the flight attendant has finished serving the rest of my row, may I ask for a refill, or is this considered selfish?

“Your” row? First of all, it’s not “YOUR” row, but the hard working American airline workers’ row so, let’s get that straight from the start. Now, let’s use your pea brain and do some math. There’s “x” amount of OJ on the aircraft, and 280 people onboard. The last row may want some OJ for their diabetes and you want more? Well, this takes the cake and shows how selfish Americans have become.

Every time I hear the landing gear going down, I think a piece of the plane is falling off. Do you know the sound I'm talking about? Any advice for helping me get over this fear?

This is a true story: When aircraft fly into Japan. they must put their landing gear down just prior to crossing the coastline. The Japanese government’s excuse is they don’t want ice to fall on people.

Some think on the rare occasion ice does fall, Japanese people will think they’re getting bombed and have the bejesus scared out of them. But hey, this is a country where women’s rights are very restricted, like those of some Middle Eastern countries. Not all of their thinking is rational.

Sometimes, before leaving the gate, a plane's electricity goes off. It's not exactly a confidence-inspiring move. Imagine, before getting your appendix removed, the electricity in the operating room goes out. Would you feel comfortable?

Great question. Electricity loss is due to the electrical load shift from ground power to aircraft power. To fix this, talk to the manufacturer or call your congressman. I have thoroughly researched your question, however, and asked a doc. He said if the power goes out in a hospital, it takes a minute or so for their generator to kick in. So, we have the same issues as doctors, but we’re paid much less.

I have an idea. Because SAN closes at about midnight, why doesn't the city open up the runway to skateboarders and drag racers from Midnight to 4:00? The city could charge a little money and help get itself out of the financial mess it's in. Seriously, what would the stumbling blocks be?

Wow, finally a great idea for an 8000’ slice of pavement.

You're always ripping into airline CEO's. Maybe they're not too happy with you, either. I'm sure you're not the best pilot out there, so why don't you ease up on the stick a little?

Ok, let’s get this straight once and for all. CEO’s suck and this is why: Gate agents deal with the public all day, everyday. Does management’s hiring focus heavily on roll playing, say, handling an irate, exhausted, passenger? Nope. When pilots turn into the gate to park at the jet bridge, why is it that 50% of the time we have to stop and wait for ramp people? The weight costs a few hundred pounds of petrol each time. Adding it up per aircraft, month, and year and you’re talking a few million gallons of wasted petrol. Why? Lack of management oversight.

Why has Southwest made a profit every quarter for 20-plus years? You would think after 10, 15, 20 years of this profit management from other airlines would catch on and match this WINNING strategy—but, OH NO! They are happy losing money and getting a bonus for doing so. Now look at the present situation. What is the “FIRST” thing management wants to do to fix their lack of management? Implement pay cuts and longer hours while reducing insurance and eliminating pensions. But, the measures, of course, do not apply to them. Management keeps using the same losing strategy. I say shut the airlines down and let people walk coast to coast for a few years. Then people will appreciate us.

We really don’t need this job, anyway. Sleeping in our own bed every night would be a real treat. So to the reporter who questioned my ranting and raving, “Go stick it” and walk to New York buddy! Or get on the airplane with the 500-hour wonder pilot. You pay for what you get at 35,000 ft and shit happens all the time.

How about selling candy on airplanes? You’d have a captive audience and everyone loves candy.

Touché! Here is another management failure. This has been suggested to these boneheads for years, but to no avail. Management is not interested in MAKING money, just cutting wages and going by their outdated MBA business plans that, by the way, keep them from turning a profit every quarter.

Do you guys ever stuff shooters and leftover wine bottles in your pockets after flights? You do much hoarding?

Nope. This would be stealing and we would get fired. The only person I know who does this is the CEO, COO, and CFO. These guys and gals steal us blind on every flight they’re on. As if they can’t buy their own…. Another reason to get rid of the bastards.

I always feel guilty about putting my seat back. Very uncomfortable. Why should I, though? The person behind me has probably put their seat back, too. I mentioned this to my therapist and she upped my medication. I'm I being neurotic, Rob? Should I care so much?

In China they have the option and do not use it. They respect each other’s space when the situation arises. It all depends on the person behind you. Are their legs pinned up against your seat to start with? If so, better not. If it’s a midget, then maybe okay.

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Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline that no longer allows carryon luggage. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.