Rob the Pilot

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Aviation expert likes Martinique, dislikes airline executives

By Rob Potochnik

May 8, 2006

Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while waiting in line to see "United 93" for the third time in one day.

When flight crews stay over in SD, where do they stay, the hotels next to the airport, hotels downtown, or someplace else?

Great question. Flight crews stayed at great places until 2001. After that, our contracts were trashed and we moved closer and closer to the airport. If management could set up cots on the taxiway, we would stay there. Most crews stay close by, since downtown San Diego is close. The layover in San Diego is great wherever you stay, though.

Is DB Cooper still alive?

Believe it or not the co-pilot on the DB Cooper airplane just retired last year from Northworst Airlines. He was a great guy. I wish him well. I think ole’ DB probably hit a tree limb and is hanging up in some tall redwood about 300 feet above the ground. When you go to the redwoods in Oregon, look up a lot. Maybe you’ll find some loot! Or, plan B, bring a shovel and dig a lot of holes. You’ll either find money or water and either way you will not be thirsty.

Why is Irvine’s airport named John Wayne? He didn’t live there. Do you think we could rename our airport “Steven Seagal?”

What’s the matter with the Duke? He was a legend. He popularized the genre of old time cowboys fighting the world and always winning. He trusted everyone and no one at the same time—he was America. Is Steven Segal America? No. He’s more like Rhode Island or Massachusetts. He’s a big guy, but not big on getting his audience to love him.

People think San Diego has perfect weather, but I don’t think so. What cities that you’ve flown to have better weather. Which has the best?

The best: Hawaii, Pango Pango, Tahiti, Singapore, Slovenia, Costa Rica, St Maarten, Martinique, Sicily and Greenland in the summer.

The worst: The Netherlands, Scotland, England, and Russia. They’re all nice places to visit in the summer, but winter, forget it, unless you like to drink a lot.

Have you ever flown through hail? What does it look like from the cockpit?

You want to know what it sounds like to fly through hail? First, get a 32 oz. bat. Second, get ice from the freezer (a lot). Third, go outside, or if you live in a trailer stay inside. Then, throw the ice in the air and hit it at your neighbor’s house. The sound of the ice hitting your neighbor’s windows is a close approximation of the sound hail makes when it hits the cockpit windshield. The sound of your neighbor threatening to kill you comes pretty close to the noise passengers make when we do fly through hail.

Are pilots allowed to make extracurricular money off of their flying? For example, if you wanted to take—and sell—aerial photos?

Pilots need extra cash, so anything goes. They can strip on layovers, drive cabs on days off, and even work as baggage handlers on holidays. The best side job is an intern at airline headquarters, where you can spike the CEO’s coffee and put vile stuff in his food. Since you’re not getting paid, you might as well have fun!

In Hawaii, they give you leis when you arrive. What should the chamber of commerce give people who arrive in San Diego?

A small whale, a penguin, or a stripper.

What should I do when I get to my seat and the overhead compartment is completely full? Should I: (a) take luggage out and put it in other compartments; (b) look completely helpless until the flight attendant notices and takes control of the situation; or (c) put my bag by my footrest and start to cry?

It depends. Is the flight attendant great looking? If so, look helpless. This way you could line up a date with her, and because of her job, the date will come with a free hotel room. However, if the flight attendant isn’t your type, then crying would be the best choice. Perhaps a gorgeous yet simple-minded woman would feel sorry for you and seek to help you any way she could. Either way, if all goes well, you’ll get a free room for the night free with the potential for a complimentary breakfast as well.

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Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline that now serves Buffalo, with your choice of a cream or bernaise sauce. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.