Aviation

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Don't tip your flight attendant

By Rob Potochnik

July 10, 2006

San Diego based commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while in quarantine at Ulan Bator International Airport.

When you guys are in the cockpit, do you ever break out lines from the movie “Airplane,” like, “Roger, Roger?”

No, but I have heard the flight attendants say things such as, “Hey baby, be my daddy tonight,” and, “Oh, oh! You’ll give me bangers and mash later, won’t you?” They were probably talking about a big play production they’re in, and practicing their lines.

Are control towers built only for function, or is some style put into their design? Also, what’s the coolest-looking control tower you’ve seen?

Yeah, some control towers have style. The one in Amsterdam is pretty cool. But the best one is in Martinique. It consists of four tree trunks, palm leaves around the edges, and a guy with a radio. He says things like, “Hey, mon! You ready to go?” So we say, “Jes, mon. We goin’ to get flyin’ now, you dig?” And everything is peaceful and groovy.

Do pilots every get teased for wearing their uniforms outside of the airport? Have you heard any obnoxious comments?

Retired pilots are pretty funny when you see them disoriented and wandering around Sea World. They do things like imitate the penguins and try to steal the killer whale’s food, but all in all they’re harmless. The altitude gets to us pilots, so be kind. Leave some grub for them on the way out.

How does flying into LAX compare to flying into Lindbergh? More stress, more of a hassle? What do you enjoy doing after landing at LAX as opposed to Lindbergh?

The best thing to do after landing at LAX is go to the strip joints—I mean, go to sleep or watch a movie, or go out to dinner, or jog, or swim, or play Frisbee, or use a hula hoop. Sincerely apologize about the strip joint comment. Must have had jet lag.

Why is it okay for children to wail and scream on a plane, but not okay for an adult like me to do the same? It’s an ageist double-standard!

Here is one of life’s great secrets. YOU CAN! Life’s goal should be to do what no one else does. Being different everyday helps you sleep, work, talk, and run better. So, forget about the other 200 passengers on the plane and scream away.

Have you ever heard of passengers tipping a flight attendant? I’d like to reward a flight attendant for good service.

Tipping the flight attendant is sweet, but remember that good service starts at the top and goes down to the front line. If you tip your pilots, your ride will be smoother, you won’t puke in flight, and you won’t get dizzy or have any other sicknesses. Let me tell you this, TIPPING YOUR PILOT WORKS! Try it immediately. If you end up puking, don’t stop, never stop. Quitting makes things worse and no one wants to be around a quitter.

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Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline with a WNBA arena named after it. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.