Review

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The Studio Diner is ready for its close-up

By Larry Knowles

July 10, 2006

San Diego--I’m not much of a star-$@#%er. A few weeks ago, for example, I saw Andre Agassi at the La Jolla Brewhouse. Did I gawk, look over a thousand times? No. I’ll tell you what I did: I pretended he didn’t exist. And since he was playing the same game with me, let me tell you how cool the experience was.

A few weeks ago, Vyuz editor David Moye and I were invited by a PR agency to tour the set and interview cast members of a telenovela being filmed at Stu Segall Studios in Kearny Mesa. The PR agency, I’m guessing, had hoped that I’d be enthralled by attractive young models-turned-actresses wearing tight dresses and high heels giving me their undivided attention while answering all my showbiz questions.

After the press junket at Stu Segal Studios, Moye and I had strolled next door to the Studio Diner, to get a bite and talk about how un-star-%#$*able we both were. The eatery, owned by Mr. Segall, is popular with studio employees and the cast and crew members of whatever film is being shot there.

Bo Derek and Tippi Hedren star in two telenovelas being filmed at Stu Segall, so I made a point of looking around the diner to see if either of the actresses might be dining among us. Had they been there, I don’t imagine I’d have done anything more than mention the fact to Moye.

I don’t put much stock in being in the company of stars. For example, while traveling around Bali, I was once invited by an Australian newscaster to have dinner with Arabella Churchill, granddaughter of Winston Churchill. I can tell you I didn’t say a word about her lineage or British politics—that is, until after several glasses of wine she bore in on me, the only American at the table, and beseeched, “Why didn’t America enter the war earlier! Grandfather was so very disappointed in you!”

I recently returned to the Studio Diner for lunch, wanting to get a second look and maybe do a review. I don’t get impressed by Hollywood stuff, for example, the fact that the diner has been used in the filming of Veronica Mars.

With an abundance of chrome and a marquee over the entrance, the establishment’s exterior looks the part of a cinema-themed forties-era diner. And the movie motif continues on the inside, with clap slates as menu boards and studio lights as booth lighting. Not that studio props impress me.

The menu deserves mention. It’s the only menu I’ve ever seen that looks like it’s been written by Joe Eszterhas. You could order the “Eunuch Spaghetti,” spaghetti without the meatballs, or the “Bad Movie Sandwich”—“It’s a turkey!”

The finest turn of phrase is delivered beneath the “Prime Time Prime Rib.” The steak comes in four sizes: the Editor’s Cut, $14.25; the Producer’s Cut, $19.95; the Director’s Cut, $23.95,…and the Agent’s Cut, “usually 10%.”

The first time I ate at the diner I’d ordered the Prime Rib sandwich and found it a little gristly. So, I asked my waitress, Jen, looks like Kirsten Dunst, what plate the diner was known for. She recommended the “Count of Monte Cristo,” a monte cristo billed in the menu as a studio favorite.

I went with that, and when it arrived, it was unrecognizable. The sandwich had been made up to look like four dumplings. That’s what happens when you eat at a studio diner. A closer look at the menu reveals that the sandwich is battered and deep fried. The sandwich came with fries and a side of raspberry jam. Dip the dumpling wedges in the jam and you’ll realize why the “Count of Monte Cristo” is a studio favorite.

Not that I care, but I asked Jen if she’d seen any celebs in the diner lately. “Morgan Fairchild is a regular customer,” she said. “And ‘Veronica Mars’ is filmed at Stu Segall, so the star, Kristen Bell, comes in here sometimes.”

I asked her if she hoped Segall would put her in one of his movies.

“No,” she replied. “But my parents want him to put me in one of his movies.”

“I don’t want to be rich and famous,” she said dismissively. “Just rich.”

Me, I’m no star-%$&*er. I know exactly where she’s coming from.

Studio Diner

4701 Ruffin Rd.

San Diego, CA 92123

858.715.6400