Surfing

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Surfers dating surfers is just a little too inbred

By Elisabeth Gause

July 10, 2006

San Diego--I’ve dated a few surfers in my time. I’ve liked waking up to toast bagels while my boyfriend loads our boards. I’ve liked earning a kiss in the water after a sweet ride. And I’ve loved having someone who not only understands my passion but shares it. But recently I’ve been wondering: Should surfers date surfers?

That’s ultimately why we date each other. Even if we’re a varied lot, surfers have this common link. Something changed in us the moment we rode our first wave and only other surfers will satiate us now. It’s rather like a guy who’s lost his virginity not being able to date a girl who hasn’t. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m just saying, he’s one frustrated dude. Surfers just really don’t want to date someone who hasn’t popped their aquatic cherry.

Obviously not everybody feels this way. One guy told me, “I’m glad my wife doesn’t surf because this time is mine.”

This is an equally popular opinion among waveriders. We like entering a world that is just ours. Not that we don’t want to share with our loved ones, but we need to have something separate from them, something that is our own, where we have our own friends, our own jokes, our own secret handshakes.

So we have equal support on both sides of the Surfers Dating Surfers v. Surfers Dating Non-surfers case, which gives us a hung jury unless someone switches teams. Time for deliberation.

Every guy I’ve dated since I started surfing has been a surfer. The more I surfed, the more it became a requirement in potential mates. However, finding a guy who loves surfing as much as I do and does it as well as I do AND is smart, hot, kind, funny…has since become a bit of a challenge. Recently, this struggle has revealed something rather surprising: I honestly don’t want a surfer.

It took getting smitten with a guy who’s not a surfer to unearth this epiphany. But just so we’re clear: The guy surfs, he’s just not a surfer. He’s a water man. His addiction to the water matches my own. Like me, he moved out to California to transfuse his red blood with salty water. This I understand. Here we relate. But we do it in our own way. It’s like Fred and Ginger both dressing for the evening but one in a tux and the other in a flowing gown. He dances with the water one way, I do it another, but we both love to dance.

Now you might think, well why couldn’t I have that with the surfers I’d been with? Well…it’s like having two actors in a family. And just ask Eric and Julia Roberts how great that is.

One is inevitably going to be better, one is going to love it more, and one is going to be a wave snob. You’re not going to surf for the same reasons. You’re not going to like the same breaks, the same waves, the same sessions. You may both surf but ultimately you need different surf sessions.

Sure, I have friends that I know will love certain breaks or will enjoy sunset surfs with me more than others. But I don’t have to surf with them everyday. I don’t have to compromise and say, “Yeah, I’ll surf here today if we go out there tomorrow.” There’s no competition. Instead, he says, “Wasn’t the water nice today?” I nod, he smiles, we both get it. I like that. Granted, infatuation hasn’t faded, so I pretty much like everything about him, but I think there’s some merit to all of this.

And for the first time in my life, I think I might switch sides and vote that surfers dating surfers is a little too much inbreeding. Not to say it doesn’t work. Myriad surfing couples exist to prove me wrong. But personally, I’ve discovered this surfer chick doesn’t really want a surfer guy. I just want a guy who can surf. And if you don’t know there’s a difference between the two, you don’t understand the ocean.