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Tunaversity Heights: the lesbian said about it, the better

By Brian Swarthmore

August 21, 2006

San Diego--I’ve lived in the San Diego area ever since my grandpappy moved here in the 1970s and decided to start a Crystal Meth business in his bathtub.

But even though his business took him all over the city, I managed to avoid one little Hamlet called University Heights for a while. To my detriment, I confused it with Hillcrest, Normal Heights and even North Park, and never realized its charms.

That is, until my girlfriend decided she was a lesbian and needed to move someplace where she felt free to be herself – oh, and to play softball.

That place turned out to be University Heights, which is where the lesbians who earn 72 cents for every dollar earned by a gay man, tend to congregate.

University Heights is one of San Diego’s oldest neighborhoods and has many unique historical qualities: It used to be home to an Ostrich farm and the old trolleys were housed near Park Boulevard and Adams Avenue.

It’s also home to a lot of lesbians. So many that it’s been termed “Tunaversity Heights” by some wags.

It has much in common with Hillcrest: Lots of little eateries, a boutique here and there, a few florists and coffee shops and lots of cute bungalows and Craftsman homes.

But there are lots of differences: University Heights is funkier and the residents don’t shave their legs as much. Plus, the place attracts style-challenged folks who insist on wearing socks with sandals (ugh).

It also attracts a lot of stray cats (who presumably smell the tuna and estrogen put in the air by all the lesbians who live there). Amazingly, most of the lesbians prefer homes with wooden floors. That surprises me, considering how much they love tearing up carpet in other aspects of their life. But, hey, whatever trips your trigger.

University Heights’ main drag is Park Boulevard and that’s where a lot of the hot spots are located.

Of course, hot spot is a relative term. University Heights is mellower than Hillcrest so the residents are more likely to enjoy an early dinner at the Park House Eatery or El Zerape Mexican Food than go out bar hopping.

There are some good bars, such as Lancers, which is a true dive. As one longtime resident once told me while we were doing a drug deal, “Lancers is my living room. That’s where I keep my pool table, my jukebox, and my bartender.”

There is also Bourbon Street, which is a “graight” bar. Not that it’s great – it’s okay – but it’s a gay bar where straight people are sort of welcome (especially if they wear leather suspenders and have jizz catcher moustaches).

I believe there’s a bar called Cheers on Adams Avenue where the drunken dykes hang out but, frankly, it’s dark in there so I can’t tell who’s doing what to whom. And, frankly, I don’t want to know.

No one in University Heights is going to be called a fashion plate. In some ways, that’s what makes it cool, especially at coffee houses like Korova and Twiggs, where a little indie creep can hang out with a fat old doofus reading 12-step literature and neither judges the other.

The disadvantage is that the people watching can be sad, especially when the folks around you are hags who don’t shave their legs.

University Heights really comes alive in summer when they have the Friday night concerts at Trolley Barn Park. That’s where a lot of families bring their kids so they can see their female gym teachers dance with each other.

It’s a great place if you want your child to ask, “Daddy, why does Heather have two mommies? And why is one of Heather’s mommies kissing Diane’s mommy?”

Hillcrest has long become gentrified and University Heights is getting that way. However, because that’s where a lot of Ethiopian refugees were placed in the early ‘90s, there is still some soul. You can walk down a street on a Sunday, pass a church and hear funky gospel music.

By comparison, if you walk down a Hillcrest street on Sunday, you’re only likely to hear the screams of some guy having the best, most painful sex of his life.

Of course, its differences like this that make a city.

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