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The MySpace ethos...or how not to have 207 friends

By Walter G. Meyer

November 7, 2006

San Diego--The MySpace demographic skews a little younger than my age group, so much so that I suspect there is a law requiring all college and high school students to have a presence on My Space or face expulsion.

But after my friend Joe Brooks visited me from England and told me that he, like many other musicians, had built his career on MySpace, he convinced me that I should get back on and use it to promote my novel when it comes out next year. My MySpace (I find myself saying that phrase a lot these days, and it grates on me, as does the perfectly good English phrase “had had,” as in “I had had leftover pizza every day for a week”; I usually rewrite a sentence to avoid that awkward construction, but in speaking, it is much harder to rewrite and so saying “my MySpace” just makes me cringe as it comes out of my mouth, just as even Word’s spellchecker balks at letting “my MySpace” slide, underlining it as though I have made an error, although Jason Mraz on his MySpace page has a theme song about his “My MySpace”)—now back to my original sentence—friends list is still nothing compared to Joe’s friends list, or on an even more massive scale, Mraz’s, but I am amazed that in less than a month my following has grown to almost 100.

But therein lies the problem. Who is a “friend” in MySpace? At a party in North Park recently, a friend of a friend, Jeff, told me that he would not add anyone to his MySpace page who is not really a friend and says that he has limited his friends list to the relatively small number of 207 people. But who, really, has 207 friends? Acquaintances, I’d believe, but not really friends. By his definition, a “friend” is someone he has met at least twice and whose name he remembers. (Since he admits he is terrible at names, for him to remember a friend’s name means he must really know them).

Musicians who are promoting their music and movie stars who are promoting their movies and politicians running for office have someone else managing their friends list and will add anyone. Go to Phil Angiledes’ page and I bet he will add you as a friend—he added me. Phil would probably even add Arnold and I’m sure those two aren’t friends, although that would imply that Arnold is on MySpace, which also implies he is smart enough to operate a computer,…which is doubtful. If you are trying to promote your musical or political career as Brooks and Mraz are, it behooves you add all the friends you can get.

In my case, I feel weird about adding people I don’t know. I get about ten random friend requests per day—someone I don’t know who just “friends” me out of the blue. About half turn out to be people claiming to be a college girl who want me to watch her on her web cam. Those are quickly deleted. If she had read enough of my profile to see the “gay” thing, then they might suspect that I have very little desire to see college girls naked.

Some of the other random requests have turned out to be very interesting people—some talented writers and some very fine musicians. (I particularly suggest checking out Gavin Mikhail and Jeff Fiorello and San Diego local Mraz or another local Ernie Halter—you can sample all of their music on MySpace.) It is a little more difficult to sample someone’s writing, although I am sure I will put a link to this story on my page.

I’m still learning how to pimp my MySpace and to really start using it to promote my writing. And I guess I need to start blogging more, though I often wonder just who is reading all of the blogs on the site. But that still doesn’t address the etiquette of befriending MySpacians. Are friends people you can call at 3 a.m.? Are they people you hope will buy your next CD or book? Are they college girls who want you to watch them shower? Is it rude not to add anyone who asks? Even Arnold? Apparently you can’t just add ANYONE because that makes you a “MySpace whore.” If you know the proper ethos of My Space, please, message me on My Space: www.myspace.com/sandiegowriter.

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