Commentary

Email this article

Happy inoffensive, politically correct, multi-cultural holidays!

By April Labine-Katko

December 12, 2005

San Diego--It has never been my inclination to send out holiday greeting cards. But, “Christmas” has taken on a sort of scandalous appeal that makes me consider dropping a card in every mailbox—a card with a glorious Nativity scene and a bountiful Christian sentiment inside. I suppose it was only a matter of time before wishing your neighbors a “Merry Christmas” became synonymous with leaving a flaming bag of dog crap on their doorstep.

In a few years I suspect that the worst a rebellious teenager could do is willingly engage in a cherubic rendition of “O Holy Night.”

(Illustration: Chris Katko)

Those who defend taking the Christ out of Christmas say that to do otherwise, excludes those who do not celebrate it. If you don’t celebrate the tradition of Christmas, why should you care what it’s called? If you want to participate, but you don’t dig the whole Christ-child spin, then shut up and enjoy the eggnog. No one’s asking you to join a cult, say a rosary or attend Sunday school. When’s the last time a Christian pulled a “home invasion” on a Jewish family and forced them to decorate a tree, bake shortbread and sing festive songs by the fireplace?

The term Christmas Parade is too offensive today, so instead we have Holiday Parades. Capitol Hill boasts a voluptuous, beautifully-adorned Holiday tree, not a Christmas tree. In San Diego, Christmas on the Prado was not culturally diverse enough, so their crack team of marketing geniuses came up with December Nights as a comparable alternative.

Fascinating how a word can upset so many delicate people. Take the unsanitary name of Christ out of it and suddenly, everyone is willing to be festive. Keep Christ in there and you’ve got a bunch of sulking children threatening to boycott parades. It’s not like people are handing out bibles at these things. Priests aren’t setting up confessionals for attendees to purge their sins before all of the merry-making can begin.

The essence of Christmas was peace and goodwill to all man. But, ladies, don’t be offended by this. It includes us too. Christmas evidently offends the politically correct. How unpredictable. Personally, I am offended by their readiness to be offended. I am offended by their need to sanitize everything so that everyone can be included, though those who actually still find significance in the holiday are expected to be good sports when their traditions are being censored.

All of the meaning in the holiday is sucked out of it as The Correct continue to stir the American melting pot. In the goal to achieve diversity, they are actually ensuring that everyone is indistinguishable from one another. Must we all celebrate the same holidays? I don’t celebrate Chanukah or the Chinese New Year, but I believe that those who do should be able to do so unencumbered.

Are people who celebrate “Christmas” being pushed into the closet? Will Christmas carolers be heckled and egged when they start singing about the terrible and notorious baby Jesus?

Of course, this all speaks of the lack of peace and goodwill that is the real face of the holidays. No one will argue that it has become little more than an orgy for bargain-hunters. Slowly, even the illusion of Christmas is being sanitized out of retail outlets. Last year, Target banned Salvation Army bell-ringers from their stores, professing that they wanted to avoid choosing between competing charities and that they were protecting their shoppers from succumbing to the true spirit of giving.

After all, the spirit of giving doesn’t help Target’s bottom-line unless the effort requires a trip through one of their crowded check-out lines.

Meanwhile, The Salvation Army’s Red-Kettle Program loses about $9 million earmarked for needy Americans. And shoppers can buy their new Xboxes, iPods and PCs without the unpleasant reminder of the less-fortunate. They can forget that they already have a perfectly good PC and that their illiterate, agoraphobic children already have last year’s big game system and every system before it back to the uncivilized and crude Nintendo days.

Maybe Dominick Sergio Maldonado wasn’t being rash when he decided to shoot up a mall in Tacoma, Washington last month. I like to think that he was protesting the commercialization of the holiday season and the death of Christmas. In reality, it was probably just a bad drug trip. Regardless, I’m sure the holiday shopping resumed unabated and the presents will still appear under the “Holiday Tree” this year.

The storm troopers of political correctness know no bounds when they smell a ridiculous cause on the horizon. I’ve heard that even Santa Claus is uncertain of his future. The elves are on a 24-hour suicide watch until Boxing Day. Maybe The Correct are the ones responsible for upsetting the Virgin Mary. Her statue has been spotted weeping red tears at her home at the Vietnamese Catholic Martyrs Church in Sacramento, California. Word has it that Mary’s offended and she is considering boycotting all “holiday” festivities. A lawsuit is reportedly in the works.

-----------------

Born and raised in a Northern Ontario mining town, April's hockey career was cut short when it was evident that she could not skate. It has been downhill ever since.