Rob the Pilot

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Vyuz aviation expert on male flight attendants and inflight mags

By Rob Potochnik

December 19, 2005

Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while doing his Christmas shopping at the SkyMall.

How can I tell if a male flight attendant is gay?

They always insist on being called by their entire first name. For example, it's not “Poin," but "Poindexter.” It must be some kind of symbol of being a gay male.

Why are you the Vyuz aviation expert? How did you get this gig?

Default. I was the only one willing to work for $100,000 per year.

When you're in the flight simulator does it simulate flight delays and bad service?

Bad service, YES! Delays don’t happen due to the instructor wanting to be home at a certain time.

You ever seen a mirage or UFO near San Diego? How about anyplace else?

NO! UFO’s are not around real people, just around people who do mushrooms and say they witnessed one. Maybe they should witness someone working for a living and report this!

I have an idea for your company's inflight magazine: the women of San Diego--nude. What do you think?

GREAT! But the CEO’s and executives all have mistresses and hookers on the road so they really don’t care about anyone else's fantasies.

Why does the runway at Lindbergh go southeast to northeast?

Because Santa can only land into the wind. If it went the other way he would need skis or floats to land partly on land and on water.

How can I tell if a commercial pilot is sitting next to me in economy class?

He looks poor and hates his job. So many military pilots and furloughed guys are willing to be paid substandard wages for their skill that the entire industry is in a downward spiral. The only one making money are the owners and executives, at our expense. Thanks guys and gals for flying for cheap, hope your kids die of cancer!

Do SAN-bound flights ever dip into Mexico? Do you need permission to fly over Tijuana?

Not really. If clouds are a problem, maybe. But aircraft would have a flight plan on file, so not any plane can fly over and back without permission. Think drugs and you can figure it out.

Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline with the frequent flyer program that charges sixty bucks to book a rewards flight. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult.