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Commentary The best public places to have sex in San Diego By Brian Swarthmore December 19, 2005 San Diego--San Diego may no longer be ``America’s Finest City’’ but it’s still a damn fine place for public nookie. Everywhere you look, there is a place that is perfect for knocking boots, swapping fluids, and/or just getting sexual. I never let public decency or antiquated moral codes keep me from busting a nut and neither should you. Remember, if you get caught, people might act disgusted, but they’re actually envious. Take your pick of elevators, parking lots, park bathrooms, or school playgrounds. Chances are, somebody got lucky there. Probably me.But after having hundreds of sexual encounters all over this county, there are some places that work better than others.
So here are nine places in San Diego to have the best public sex possible: 1. Elementary school playgrounds are fairly easy to access at night and feature things like monkey bars that can be fun for monkeying around. If that doesn’t float your boat, try the slide. Sometimes it’s difficult to get two people to fit on one so try having one person stand while the sliding partner provides oral pleasure. If you prefer to be old fashioned about your public sex and do it in a car, elementary school parking lots are great. For some reason, cops never seem to drive by them or stop in them. Maybe they think it’s the janitor’s car. 2. If you’re in a parking garage at a mall, have sex on the bottom or top floors, which is never as crowded as the street level lot. 3. One great spot to have sex is the 7th floor of the U.S. Grant Hotel. If you take the elevator to that floor and get out, there is a window that opens and allows roof access. Sometimes, it’s locked but it’s a worth a chance if it means humping your brains out while overlooking the Gaslamp District. 4. Many nights the Convention Center is pretty desolate and if you’re willing to walk up a long flight of stairs, you can get nasty while overlooking the Embarcadero. If you get caught with your pants down, try speaking a strange European dialect. Everyone knows Europeans are pervs so the cops will probably let you off the hook. If you want to try the Euro ruse, carry around a pack of Mentos and pull it out while you’re dressing and say, ``Mentos! The Freshmaker.’’ Then run. 5. Lake Murray is a great place to have sex because there are multiple entry points. With any luck, your date will also have multiple entry points. The Lake Murray entrance is closed at sundown but there’s a path near Baltimore Drive that goes to a lakeside road about 3.5 miles long. You might want to head for the golf course but there are numerous picnic tables, portapotties and pebbly beaches that will probably be private enough for a little loving. But be careful: There are a bunch of geese there and they’re mean so don’t provoke them. 6. Mt. Helix has long been a popular makeout spot in East County since it allows romantics a panoramic view of San Diego, La Mesa and El Cajon. Parking sucks but it can be a cozy spot for sex. One caveat: This place is popular with teenagers whose parents won’t let them have sex, as well as middle aged kinksters—like you—who like public sex. The oldsters don’t mind sharing the view with the teen punks but the teens are usually disgusted seeing people their parents’ age make out in public. 7. There are only two drive-in theaters in San Diego County: The Santee in East County and the South Bay in South County. Nevertheless, they still supply the same sex opportunities as in years past. Here’s a tip: If you are hungry, stick with dry popcorn and avoid nachos, which have a sticky cheese sauce that takes three baths to remove. Also, if you touch someone’s privates after eating jalapeno peppers, it will make them hot (and not in a good way). 8. The Children’s Pool in La Jolla used to be a great spot for public sex but if you think moral types get bothered by public sex, you haven’t seen a mother harbor seal. Those things scream and moan and attack—and not in the way you fantasize about. Still, the La Jolla Cove area has some beaches that have caves that, when tide is low, provide a beautiful spot for kinky sex. 9. The eight or so miles walk along Sunset Cliffs south of Ocean Beach. During a minus tide, there are lots of caves but even during high tide there are lots of nooks and crannies perfect for exploring your partner’s nooks and crannies. At the end of Sunset Cliffs is a ladder that goes down to the beach to a rocky place that is perfectly private in every way except for the occasional surfer. Oh, there is a caveat: If you are having sex anywhere along Sunset Cliffs, don’t be surprised if someone interrupts with the standard OB greeting: ``Got any crystal? Acid?’’-------------------- Brian Swarthmore is a freelance writer in San Diego. Suggested Vyuz reading... Four minutes and fifty-five seconds with Kristen Bell | By David Moye Steve York, UCSD pornographer, chooses law over porn | By Larry Knowles The bare facts about Brazilian waxing | By Romina Cleary Taking inflight magazines improves airline safety | By Rob Potochnik A serial networker walks among us | By April Labine-Katko |
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