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Q & A Vyuz aviation expert kills time on tarmac, answers questions By Rob Potochnik October 31, 2005 Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered some questions from Vyuz readers who, apparently, had nothing better to do than think about commercial aviation. I'd like to strike up a conversation with a pilot or flight attendant next time I'm at Lindbergh. What should I say? Now this is the best question I’ve heard in a long, long time. I had the answer before I finished reading your question. Here are a few pick-up lines for crewmembers: 1. "May I buy you a sandwich?" 2. "Let me carry your bags to the aircraft." 3. "Can I give you a tip before and after landing?" (cash only) 4. "Want to go to lunch? I’m buying." 5. "If I give you ten million dollars will you never fly again?"...Honestly the best line is, "Do you want me to buy you a Ferrari or a Rolls Royce?" Have you ever seen the green flash at sunset while flying into San Diego? If so, were you on drugs? No. But the majority of Vyuz e-mailers are on drugs and see blue flashes all the time. Sometimes spots and dogs and cats. What percentage of pilots and flight attendants at your airline request to be on routes that fly into San Diego? It depends on the time of year. In winter all the farm-fed northerners want to migrate down to paradise. In the summer they migrate north to Alaska and the real people get to return to San Diego.If I flipped you the bird while you were flying over the city, would you be able to see my greeting? Nope! But I can flush our sinks full of crap and it WOULD dump on you. No kidding--the water in the sink bowls goes right outside on you and your three fingers,...that is, the ones you have left. When I'm at a hotel, how can I tell the difference between a pilot and the bellman?...Also, would a pilot carry my bags to my room if I asked him? If so, what should I tip? Hey, what’s this, multiple questions in one e-mail? TIMEOUT. Only one is allowed and it’s my choice which one. The answer is the bellman is dressed better because he makes more money. Fly safe! What kind of person flies First Class out of San Diego? I don’t know. Most airlines do not have first class anymore. People don’t want to spend the money, so we have axed first class and just have business class. The people in business class are either wealthy or on serious business, so they don’t want you with your hairy, sweaty ass to touch them on the way to the REAR of the aircraft. After all, they pay much more than you and deserve MORE THAN YOU.Why don't airlines have casual Fridays for flight crews? Because it would scare the really cheap passengers who come off the farm and out of the trailer parks who think making $25,000 is like making a million dollars.Really, all we pilots need to get a job is a college education, thousands of flying hours, and annual medical and flying tests. Would you want your pilot making $25,000 and looking it? Why do planes always approach Lindbergh from the Southeast, passing over I-5? Why not approach from the other direction, passing over Pt. Loma? Ever hear of "wind"? Planes always land into the wind (or "moving air," to you). Imagine landing with the wind: short runway, you touch down, and Mr. Wind pushes at your back and nudges you right off the runway. Oops! Hope you're not onboard!...You have to pay to play with the big boys,..unless you paid less and got little boys who don’t know what they're doing. Then you’re on your own. Life is short, live large, live long, live smart. Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline that went bankrupt but still has a sports arena named after it. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult. Suggested Vyuz reading... Vyuz aviation expert answers questions about SAN and CEOs | By Robert Potochnik What pilots look for in airports, women | By Rob Potochnik Why other airlines can't compete with Southwest | By Rob Potochnik
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