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Q & A Taking inflight magazines improves airline safety; window tinting not good for cockpits By Rob Potochnik November 21, 2005 Commercial airline pilot and Vyuz aviation expert Rob Potochnik answered reader questions while waiting to use the flight simulator at Dave & Buster's. What's the job title for the guy who waves the light sticks on the tarmac? Have these guys ever steered you into another plane? They are called Steer Dudes…Not really. Actually, we call them “Rampers.” Some international airports have self docking, such as Amsterdam, whereby we check a monitor for the correct aircraft type, follow the green alignment bars and then stop when we see the words, “Stop.” Yes, I have heard of rampers directing aircraft into other aircraft. What usually happens is wing tips hit each other because there aren’t wing walkers, or there’s a wrong aircraft mix at the gate. You always say that you don't earn much. I bet you drive a fancy car and have a trophy house in La Jolla. Am I right? Yes, this is correct. After my 15% pay cut last year, my 23.9% pay cut on the 16th of this month, my $3.00 per hour pay deletion for international flying, my $4.00 per hour pay deduction for flying a much smaller aircraft, and having my pension removed by the bankruptcy court, as well as having to work 1/3 more, reduced vacation and monthly days off, mix this in with about 3 dozen other contract changes (all bad) and you have one hell of a high paid pilot. I can’t tell you how many of my friends are looking for other jobs OUT of flying. They have decided to leave this low paying job to the ones who wish to work on the cheap. The pilots who couldn’t get hired anywhere before—but can now, with the lowering of flying standards—are happy bugs flying you around. Hey, these pilots may have a dozen speeding tickets and a few aircraft accidents. Or maybe they’re just new low-time pilots. Happy flying! Why do airlines paint their planes? Paint makes a plane heavier and contributes to poor gas mileage. Yes, in that same question you could have asked this: “Why is your car painted?” Have you ever heard of RUST, CORROSION, and STAINS? Passengers want that “Feel good” warm fuzzy in their tummy when they fly. Passengers want everything to look good, even though the mechanics may be just out of training, the pilots at minimum skill, the flight attendants just graduated with a GED, and so on. People are not looking for quality when it comes to getting them from A to B. Making sure they get there alive is way down the list. What is number one on the list is price—this means more than their lives. Yes, paint weighs a few hundred pounds, but so do sodas, plastic glasses, alcohol, carts, carry on bags and so forth. I say, “Let’s get rid of it all, or charge’em for it.” This way we can recoup our money! Hurrah! When you're flying from the East out to SAN, the sun must get in your eyes. Why don't planes do window tinting, like in cars? Well, we do wear sunglasses. But, what do you do at night when it’s foggy, raining, there’s a short runway, and you’ve been on duty 14 hours straight? Believe me you don’t want tinted windows. Some planes have sunshades for the upper windows and roll sunshades for the sides. It would be nice to have roll up shades for the front windows but this may twerk the FAA. (Twerk, a new word for a new age) Where would you like to see the new airport in San Diego? Where your house is! If a terrorist wanted to slip a bomb through security at SAN, could he? No! Do you ever see anyone keep the in-flight magazine? Yes, they are yours to keep. And by taking them, you’re contributing to the safety of the next flight. You see, the more junk you take off the plane, the lighter the aircraft, and the better chance you have of stopping “on the runway” on an aborted takeoff. By the way, if you take a dozen mags with you, you can use them as fire starters, fly swatters, or replacement magazines for when you steal good ones. Why don't airlines have all of their planes tow banners on the back, so they can make a little money? For example, the NY to San Diego flight could tow a "Wendy's" banner across the country. Great idea! I used to tow banners but at 80 mph and they sort of fall apart. I think they should paint the airplane with advertising and put advertising on all seatbacks, like they do in China. By the way, you have a gift for coming up with zany advertising. Keep it up. Rob Potochnik is a pilot for that airline with the male flight attendant who acted really straight. If you have any questions about aviation or the airline industry, e-mail Rob at aviation@vyuz.com. He’ll try to provide honest answers to difficult questions, or at least pretend the questions were difficult. Suggested Vyuz reading... Vyuz aviation expert kills time on tarmac, answer questions | By Rob Potochnik Vyuz aviation expert answers questions about SAN and CEOs | By Robert Potochnik What pilots look for in airports, women | By Rob Potochnik Why other airlines can't compete with Southwest | By Rob Potochnik
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