The park is a tired, faded relic from a time before video games and extreme sports, when thrills were less abundant. Back then, spinning and the slightest fluctuation in G-forces counted as entertainment.  Now, with skateboarding, snowboarding and surfing in the mainstream, and a slew of gadgets such as skim boards and Razor scooters around to provide thrills, spinning and messing with G’s seems quaint,…for a ten year old.

The attractions, over all, were tame. Some provided a jolt of excitement, others were just pitiful. Maybe they ought to have a sign telling anyone over twelve that they can’t go on certain rides. For the rides that are out in the open, anyone can see how weak they are. For the ones that are concealed, adults have no sense of the thrill level.

I’d forgotten how lame Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride was. I mean, how was I supposed to know?

The Matterhorn Bobsled and Big Thunder Railroad are your basic roller coasters, nothing special about them, really. Thirty years ago, they might have passed as innovative rides, what with their enchanting set themes. Since then, though, bigger and better coasters have come along. Behemoths such as Six Flags’ Batman The Ride have eschewed enchantment for pure adrenaline excitement and left Disney’s coasters in the dust.

By far the most pathetic ride was Davey Crockett’s Explorer Canoes. Stay away from this one. Trust me. Unless you enjoy sitting in a scow and paddling out of sync with a group of sullen strangers, just take a pass. The leader (or “cast member” as employees are referred to here) of our boat was a young woman with the unenviable task of trying to get us—the crew—to follow the rules, coordinate our paddling, and actually enjoy the experience.

That only about half of us understood fluent English made her job all the more difficult. For those of us fluent in English, her wit came off canned and flat. For example, when instructing us to keep our limbs in the boat, she asked, “Ever wonder why the water we’re in is bright green?”

“Me, too,” she answered rhetorically. “And I don’t feel like finding out.”

At the halfway point I was already tired trying to paddle in sync with the strangers in front of me and behind me. “Don’t stop paddling, unless you’re told to do so,” our leader had instructed. The sun started to get to me. How did I get myself into this gig, I wondered. What ride was this again? Davey Crockett’s something? Wait, they pay me for this, right?

Two of the rides shut down for over an hour just as we’d started waiting in line. Indiana Jones Adventure went offline in mid morning. A heavy-set guy decked in Indiana Jones attire stood at the entrance and perfectly recited the park’s regrets about the inconvenience. I got a kick out of this. The sight perfectly reminded me of the John Candy scene at Wallyworld in Vacation.

Then Splash Mountain shuttered around mid-afternoon.

Joe Aguirre, a spokesperson for Disneyland, said that the closures may have occurred for one of several reasons. He mentioned, for example, that every facility throughout the park is scheduled for daily maintenance.

Would the park have scheduled maintenance during operating hours in its busiest season? I asked.

He conceded it was unlikely and added that performing maintenance during operating hours is a practice applied to “generally slower periods of the year”.

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